Oh snap oh SNAP
So now that I’ve accepted that the show is just gonna be kinda weird and not canon and a little fan-service-y, I’ve been having a better time with it. Season 6 was miles better than Season 5, and Season 7 will be even better if for no other reason than we don’t have Daario. Will I still continue to reference his mediocre ass? YOU BETCHA
It’s trailer time LEGGO
So we start off with Cersei, being Cersei, and doubling down on the death wardrobe, which I like, but I kinda wish she had more Lannister stuff on her? Perhaps that will change when she comes out of mourning and into Murder
“Enemies to the east” gives us this below shot
which… okay okay I’m sorry I’m SORRY but technically this will be an enemy to the south – they set sail from Slaver’s Bay and they’re landing at Dragonstone which is v much south and yes, I know, the Martells and the Tyrells are also south so we needed all the directions but I HAVE GEOGRAPHY FEELINGS, OKAY
Also thanks to the lightning for this shot of Euron’s (?) ship, and advanced thanks to the writers for making Euron suck less this season, just a favor, to me, please, if you could not make him say things like “I will build you a thousand ships” while standing on a set of islands with no trees just *Linda Belcher voice* PLEASE, FAH ME, DO THIS, PLEASE
Also, I burst out laughing when Cersei is like, “enemies to the north” and it doesn’t show Jon or Sansa or Lyanna Mormont or Baelish or the armies or the Others, it’s just
TERRIFYING LIDDUL MURDERPUP
We then go on to the Lannister army which, I guess, what War of Five Kings what money problems we got plenty of stuff??? Idk I’m not that mad because my aesthetic instinct is overriding my accuracy instinct and this looks BALLER
“We’re the last Lannisters… the last ones who count.” God, Jaime looks so uncomfortable here I want to bottle this face up and release it the next time I have to make a phone call that I don’t want to, just *chef kissing noises*
And lest we forget Tyrion, who is just chilling on some scenic overlook with a face that seems to say “fffffffuck these dragons are huge we are in TROUBLE”
And now for Dany, who has a cool shot of touching the sand in Westeros for the first time in a while and says “I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms” which… eeeehhhh sort of? They were kinda banking on your older brother, but your family was in charge for a while so I see what you are saying, but they were aaaaaalso invaders so GAH IDK I JUST GOT A LOT OF FEELINGS and most of them have to do with missing Stannis
Yes it’s been a whole season but how *dare* they do what they did he would NEVER he would N E V E R D O T H A T *** DON’T TOUCH ME***
(reasonable aesthetics side of me) dis look kewl tho 
Then we have this shot which is at King’s Landing? Casterly Rock? WHERE THEY AT, THO
Then we have my precious bb Jon “Stop Putting Me in Charge of Things” Snow with the Face That Launched a Thousand Hairflips (the manbun is okay but I miss the flowing locks, all right?)
I hate Baelish. I wasn’t a fan of his in the books, I hate how slimy the show has made him, I hate his weird airy vowel-chewing accent, I hate his beard, I hate his face DON’T TALK TO SANSA
It is remarkable to me how she hasn’t killed him but I HAVE HOPES *sings ‘Dreamweaver’* I believe we can reach the morning LIIIIIIGHT
Maybe Arya will meet Sansa and Sansa will be like “u got this rite” and Arya will be like “u no it bb, A Girl has no scruples” *stab*
Theon, inexplicably kind of okay, idek, can we just get him like, 4 cats and a nice room and leave him alone for a little
And then we got our fave tertiary set of boobs in the next shot
This face says “hey look this is where I used to live with the most reasonable and best option for the throne until I inexplicably betrayed him non-canonically” NO ONE LIKES YOU, MELLY
Melly: “in R’hllor’s name”
R’hllor: 
AND THEN
AND THEN AND THEN
It looks like we’ve got at least a couple decent battle sequences lined up. As much as I get squicked out by some of the more gruesome aspects of battle on this show, they freaking know what they are doing with the sword clanging (Blackwater was amazing and *whispers* so was The Battle of the Bastards, okay, fight me, I know it wasn’t canon but it was really really really well done) and I AM EXCITE. We’ve got at least one thing happening in the North (*Anna from Frozen voice:* Do you wanna build a defensive circle?) and then also potentially some Dothraki horsie fights (Dothraki action? DOTHRAKTION) so everyone come on down to the North Pole and the Preakness because I wanna see some CLANG CLANG STAB STAB SHOUTY SHOUT
The next screen cap and line is my favorite part of the trailer. It is just *fans self* SO GOOD. We have my perfect bb Davos “Why is there a ‘k’ in knight” Seaworth who gave us the most heartbreaking scene at the end of last season and you know what? If I can’t have Stannis, because y’all jerks took him from me, I will settle for Davos, making this wonderful concerned face, like if Mr. Rodgers owned a Harley and would kill a man
and we get this absolutely perfect line: “If we don’t put aside our enmities and band together, we will die. And then it doesn’t matter whose skeleton sits on the Iron Throne.” *shivers* MY PERFECT PRACTICAL BAE and oh my word how metal is that description DAVOS ILU THE MOST partially because I miss Stannis and you sound like Stannis here BUT ALSO ILU
We’ve then got a couple of Best Of moments for the season, including Ser Robert Strong (the Mountain? Creepy McCreeperson? idek what we’re calling him any more where is the Hound and the BWB btw??) and a ship that is on fire which seems to be where Theon is, so, yeah. We also have the World’s Creepiest Arm which I’m guessing is maybe Jorah reaching for his acoustic guitar to practice Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” or some garbage but I don’t care because arms coming out of little windows is a specific fear that I did not know I had until I saw this trailer but boy golly am I radiulnagrabphobic
Then we have our “it’s HBO, someone’s gotta be banging someone” scenes, the first one I am Here For the second one I am Not
Here For Grey Worm and Missandei because you know what? They’re flippin adorable and will this end horribly? Probably, but while we’re here let’s just fuck up my feelings to the max with aggressively pretty and loyal people
Then we get yet another trailer of Yara macking on a girl, and if it were Ellaria in the books I might be more sold but it’s Ellaria in the show, who sucks, and I’m starting to feel like Yara is being token-ed to the max (starting to feel? I’m playin’ I been feeling this way since season 2 when we changed her name because no one could keep track BITTER NO I’M NOT BITTER) but uggghhhh just let her fight! and be interesting! and I’m still mad at The Worst Kingsmoot Ever from last season. Just…. the kingsmoot was one of the cooler things in AFFC, and Asha is awesome, and there was politics and large crowds and interesting gifts and you got to see some Ironborn family values and her narration was fascinating and we turned it into, like, if Men’s Rights Activists had to organize a Bunco tournament. Do better, show.
There’s a great shot of the dragon, which is now like, Hindenburg-size, with an equal level of volatility, and it’s fine that the CGI budget got blown in this scene, because it looked great. I’m gonna close with my favorite moment from the trailer, because it includes my fave person messing with my least fave person
BAELISH
DIDJA PUT YAH NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH
j/k he’s really pretty tho, and also We Are All Kit. Like yes, I know, you can stan for whoever you want but I don’t understand you if you like Baelish, or Aiden playing Baelish, or anything remotely associated with him. Also they’re in the crypts and Jon’s mom is like right next to them and SQUISH HIS FACE IN, BB, DON’T LET HIM TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT.
…I’ll see you in July, friends.
p.s. DAARIO STILL SUCKS
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