Just a collection of my thoughts on the Ironborn, who are the biggest group of absolutely bonkers pirates in this entire series
Ironborn: oh sweet look at this set of islands they can be all ours if we want
Ironborn: wait shit nothing grows here…fuck it let’s pretend it was on purpose
Ironborn: WE DO NOT SOW
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Ironborn: WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE
Westeros: y’all are literally insane, you know that right
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Ironborn: yes, our islands produce iron ore, but they are named not after this, they are named for our unbending nature
Westeros: sureJan.gif
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Ironborn: our god is the Drowned God
Westeros: right, sure, because of all the water. not actual drowning
Ironborn: yeah definitely that we don’t drown anyone
Westeros: oh ffs
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Ironborn: we care about democracy on the Iron Islands, we’re not afraid to choose our own leader
Westeros: oh cool so how often do you vote
Ironborn: every couple thousand years
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Ironborn: no but we do vote
Westeros: okay how
Ironborn: throwing gifts into a pile, making promises we can’t keep, and shouting
Westeros: …
Ironborn: no but we do vote
Westeros: okay how do you figure out who wins
Ironborn: the name shouted the most
Westeros: so no counting
Ironborn: …
Westeros: r u kidding even the Night’s Watch counts and they can’t count
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Westeros: so if you’re the Iron Islands, why isn’t *your* throne the Iron Throne
Ironborn: idk we found some rock that looked like a squid
Westeros: you know that everyone laughs at the “chair” part, right, like why not call it the Seastone Recline-
Ironborn: WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE
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Balon Greyjoy: *leads rebellion in which his two eldest sons are killed, his castle is destroyed, his remaining son is taken as a hostage, and he loses*
NINE YEARS PASS
Balon Greyjoy: let’s try this again
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Ironborn: we have this game called the finger dance
Westeros: …this is going to be horrible isn’t it
Ironborn: you throw axes at each other
Westeros: …and you call it the finger dance because people lose fingers, don’t yo-
Ironborn: BECAUSE PEOPLE LOSE FINGERS oh, yeah, exactly
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*Lord Balon Greyjoy falls to his death*
*Euron Greyjoy, his brother, returns from a decade-long banishment a day later*
Ironborn: there’s reasonable doubt
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Euron Greyjoy: my ship is manned entirely by men who are mutes whose tongues I have ripped out but I can show you the world
Ironborn: he sounds like a good king I like him
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Victarion Greyjoy: I wear full plate armor into naval battles because I do not fear death by drowning
Westeros: okay but you do fear death by arrows and swords and other things then, right
Victarion: but not by drowning
Westeros: that’s stupid, that doesn’t make you bra-
Ironborn: OMG HOW BRAVE LET’S MAKE HIM COMMANDER
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Ironborn: all we want is everything
Westeros: that seems patently unreasonable, there are not very many of you
Ironborn: WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE
Westeros: calm the fuck down
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Ironborn: if I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die historic on the Narrow Sea
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Westeros: WE ARE NOT THINGS
Ironborn: debatable
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Theon: okay dad I left because *you* lost a war, and also I was a child
Balon Greyjoy: *Immortan Joe voice* MEDIOCRE
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Asha Greyjoy: I have managed to eke out a very successful life for myself in a society that views women as property, I can fight like a demon, and I can establish a workable future for us
Ironborn: we want the guy with the totally believable dragon horn and the blue lips
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Ironborn: did you pay the iron price for that?
Westeros: okay just because you put a cooler-sounding name on “the five-finger discount” doesn’t make it any more oka-
Ironborn: WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE
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