…how’s everybody doing? Not great? Yeah, I feel that.
Kiiiiiinda didn’t like this episode? Was kind of grumpy the whole time? Best thing I heard about it was “yeah I think the interns wrote this episode” and I’m in agreement. There were a few very bright moments and a lot of “you done fucked up the pacing and this is filler, and BAD filler at that” so idk y’all. Def a little frustrated with the show. I’m also neck-deep in bar prep and feeling like it’s regularly Ygritte-ing me because I legitimately know nothing so I’m just cranky in general but this episode was definitely attempting to forge a maester’s chain of bullshit so I’m swearing more in this post than I usually do because they’re ruining everything and I just want things the way I want them OKAY
My new fave joke I saw this week:
“on a scale from one to Sansa Stark how much do you regret your first crush”
Aight, Benioff and Weiss, I know you wanna do an hour-long Battle o’ The Hairy People next week, and I know Season 2’s “Blackwater” was insanely good, but I’m not so sure that was a good call. Everything but “I’m bored” is spoilers so I gotta hold off. I shall patiently wait and then probably post whatever opinion I’ve got formed already. Jon your hair is still pretty.
Oh LOOK Jon’s still sad and Sam’s sad and everyone is sad and literally nothing has happened all season that matters RIP Moletown MOVING RIGHT ALONG
I’m oddly very angry about the fact that Braavos is still in the opening credits when we haven’t seen people there, but my queen Sansa’s current location is not. Please to fix right now.
So, Missandei and Grey Worm. I am Team Missandei and Grey Worm so much it’s out of control. Yes, once again, we are catering to the male gaze (Nathalie Emmanuel is so gorgeous it’s scary), but this was one time in the show where I was only like 40% pissed off that they showed a naked woman and no naked men. I’m pretty sure it’s because the male gaze was played this week by Grey Worm, and I trust Grey Worm because Missandei does. I kinda loved her little girlfreeeen time with Dany: as a friend pointed out, they are both still teenage girls, maybe a bit older, but it just fit so well. And then the dialogue between her and Grey Worm broke my heart so badddddd guysssss ahhhh. His speech was beautiful, especially since he used the Common Tongue to show Missandei she is teacher good, but he also clearly needs to work through some stuff, because duuuuude she’s great but literally nothing is worth going through Unsullied training. “I never meet Missandei” shut up I’m not crying YOU’RE crying
The hatred I had for the stupid, stupid, stupid Talisa/Robb storyline from Season 3 made me doubt the ability of the producers and writers to add anything to the storyline that wasn’t already in there and have it be a positive addition. I’m totally taking that back. This is easily my favorite relationship of this season and it makes me feel so so much. There’s book purism, and then there’s having a goddamn heart, so if you’re mad that they added this WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS justkiddingsortof. I’m so so happy we’re spending time on these two and the way this season’s been going maybe I’ll just stop watching and annoy HBO until we get a spin-off where Missandei and Grey Worm rule the world.
Bye Jorah byyyyye. I eye-rolled so hard at his “no but it’s okay that I spied on you and as a direct result you almost died because I LUVVV you” and I eye-rolled just as hard in the books. I’m glad he got his, in particular because he’s like the grossest “I WOULD DO ANYYYTHIIIIN FOR LOVE, BUT I WON’T DO THAT (unless “that” is “get into the slave trade” because then I’LL DO THAAAAAT)” of any character in this series. No seriously, guys, fun fact, he tried to make his second wife so happy on his sad, cold Bear Island and she wouldn’t be happy so he went into crazy debt trying to buy her shit and tried to get out of it by trading in slaves. Soooo romantic. Ugh. We read this scene from Dany’s POV in the books, and therefore I remember her being less “FU” and more “FU but I’m sad and conflicted about it” but that is kinda hard to portray in the show.
Andrew has started sometimes referring to himself, for no reason, as “The Daddy of Dragons,” so now I’m laughing at a lot of the Dany scenes and now you must join me
BOW. DOWN. YOUR QUEEN IS SPEAKING. I was kinda annoyed at “Lysa’s suicide…she was always a troubled woman” because what but seriously Sansa I love you and Littlefinger’s little grin because he’s so proud and goddamn I’m so proud also. I know I can’t retroactively get everyone on board the Sansa ship four years ago but I can damn well give high-fives to everyone now. I can also make sure people don’t start calling her “badass” suddenly and talk about how she’s starting to play the game because shut up, sit there in your eternal error and I’ll come fetch you when you’ve figured it out.
Also I am assuming Cinna helped her with her new dress. Sansa Stark is: The Mockingjay
Arya and the Hound
Arya’s laugh was perhaps my favorite “little” thing just far this season because it’s just this great LOL EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE AND NEVER GETS BETTER and it’s just spot on with the show. The fact that we just got to the Vale worries me plot-wise but eh. Maisie Williams you wonderful human keep it up.
Our blades are sharp
So, my Asshole Moment of the Week was right after Theon tells his Ironbros “no we’ll totally make sure you’re safe no worries.” One of the people I watch with was like “are they really gonna be safe” and my reaction, because I am a punk, was “*SNORT* nooooope” because nope. Oh yeah and in case you forgot the Boltons flay people, so glad we got to see that, everything is gross and sad and made of mud, I guess but Ramsay’s gonna tell us with his puppy dog face how it’s an art ughhhhhh
More importantly, ROOOOOOOSE.
I can’t decide if I like bearded Roose or clean shaven Roose more but his cloak-swishing remains magnificent, and his shade-throwing remains pristine, and he is a stone-cold motherfucker forever and I love it. That said, the hell was this scene? My tweet for this was legit “the hell is this Simba shit, can u not Ramsay” and I stand by that. Like can we not spend time on the most messed up family dynamic in the Seven Kingdoms (“I killed all these people for YOU, Daddy!”) by doing a weird-ass “just don’t go to the elephant graveyard” thing and making Ramsay even a little bit likable? Stop it. This scene was dumb. As much as I love Roose’s “the incompetence around me is incredible” face I really hope we spend no more time than necessary on some weird “daddy look I brought you Moat Cailin aren’t you proooooud” BS. I’d rather watch Jon be sad and wet and cold and we know how much I love watching that.
That being said, I would pay so much money to see a choreographed Bolton and Lannister production of “Be Prepared” with the one and only Lord Bolton as Scar. I need this and now you need it too.
Trial by battle
I’ll get there in a second but can I just…the fuck was up with that beetles speech, dear GOD. Someone put the interns back in their cages. It’s like someone went “so Dinklage probably has the Emmy nom wrapped up but let’s try to fix that by giving him the dumbest speech ever.” Also seriously this weird “let’s hang in my dungeon” thing he’s doing with Jaime? Not a fan. I just…this scene, man. We could have had another five minutes of Oberyn and we got some beetles.
On to my beautiful Pedro. I liked Oberyn in the books, not necessarily because he’s a good guy, but because he’s such a good character. In the show? I like him so much more, and I really hope Pedro Pascal gets an Emmy for his portrayal because I was liking it more and more but this episode made it for me. I didn’t necessarily even agree with all the lines he got, or his costuming, or anything, but I just really think Pedro MADE a character out of what is frankly not a ton of book material and I loved it. Also apparently he did acrobatic martial arts training for this scene and UNF it looked so good and he tweeted “Ouch.” on Sunday night and he’s just lovely and it’s truly a shame the show won’t have him anymore.
Ellaria’s “don’t leave me alone in this world” and the cut to her screaming no really it’s fine it’s just my tears themselves are crying, goddamn it I knew it was coming and it was still terrible. I wish they had kept out Oberyn’s pointing to Tywin and had just kept him doing “You raped her. You murdered her. You killed her children.” because even though it’s very Inigo Montoya it was SO effective in the book and to hear the Mountain admit it right as he kills Oberyn was just MY HEART EVERYTHING IS PAIN.
I’m pissed at the show for leaving out what I thought was a very important point: why do they call him the Red Viper? Andrew figured it out and I’m bursting with pride for him but I’m also mad at the show. Basically, I thought the battle itself was well done, but most of the stuff around it was not so great. I’m not explaining myself well but I’ve deleted and rewritten this paragraph several times and it hasn’t gotten better so hopefully it makes sense but I can clarify if needed? Maybe?
There’s some casting out for Dorne for next season and that’s easing the pain a bit but the combination of a weak episode and the most gruesome death of a liked character so far is getting me down, guys. And next week I have to watch Jon Snow’s hair fight off Mance Rayder who is like not even in this show any more and ughhhhh. Stupid bar exam. Stupid Mountain. Stupid series.
cheer me up guyz I need ittttttt