May 2016

Maybe it’s because we’re out of the books, maybe it’s because my standards have been lowered, maybe it’s because the quality is increasing, but I am significantly less annoyed this season

But still a little annoyed obvs

The Wall

This.  This is what I got into this goddamn show for.  The small moments of hope and light in the middle of nightmares, the progression of characters, the revenge, the motivations.  Jon and Sansa reuniting was perfect, and I couldn’t care less about it not being in the books.  Sansa was clearly Jon’s least favorite sibling, and he doesn’t care even a tiny bit because he *died* and what even matters any more except a familiar face that reminds him of when life was pretty okay.  Sansa was a brat when they last talked, she knows it, she apologizes, and just. My. HEART. GUYS. And when the Pink Letter arrives and Jon tries to not read aloud the part about Ramsay raping Sansa – he almost certainly knows the horrible things that have happened to her, and he’s trying to protect her from the words.  I’M NOT OKAY.

Then, we have my new favorite thing in Brienne and Tormund.  (Brienne x Jaime is still me and please forgive me my treason here but COME ON)  I stg when they showed Tormund looking at Brienne with her armor and Oathkeeper I have never boarded a ship so fast in my goddamn LIFE.  They exchange no words and I want them to date SO MUCH.  Go out on a murder spree and then also a candlelit dinner you two giant bladecuties.  Also thank you to the showrunners for making the dinner scene reminiscent of Jaime’s attempt to cut his meat after losing his hand.  Brienne you are destined for huge men with no table manners EMBRACE IT AND GET SOME

Sidenote his Wikipedia page says the actor is going to be in Fast 8 and I am SO PSYCHED

I am sad that they confirmed (?) the death of Stannis because STAN-NIS and also oh man Davos’ face and ahhh SHIREEN yes Davos you are all of us fuck last season man let’s start fresh with a new Prince that was Promised idec

The Vale

LITTLEFINGEEEEEEEER I care so LIIIIIITTLE for YOUUUUU and your insistence on talking like an Irishman trying to do a Gru from Despicable Me imitation while also having a damp paper towel in his mouth.  Petyr’s character has been so, so terrible, his treatment of Sansa made zero sense, Royce has been underused, and this kid reminds me of that sociopath kid on that episode of SVU but even less likable.  Why. Why are we watching this.  It might have been interesting had Sansa stayed there OH BURN but seriously why can we push this plotline out the Moon Door

Meereen

YES. GOOD. I LOVED THIS.  Yes, part of it was Grey Worm’s fantastic little v-neck leather vest *fans self* but AHHH this was a good set of scenes!  Tyrion’s losing the people’s support! He’s totally screwed without Daenerys!  He’s trying to do good but kind of fucking up enormously because his privilege is blinding him to reality!  I am uncomfortable with the clear parallels being drawn between Tyrion and Abraham Lincoln (unless John Wilkes Booth shows up with a pistol and shoots Tyrion because that’s the kind of plot twist we look for here at Game of Thrones), but his saying that he was a slave and Missandei being like “bitch r u joking” was THE BEST THING. Grey Worm being like “yeah sure they’ll sound like they’re agreeing with you BUT THEY WON’T.”  The two of them are great, this plotline is getting less shitty, and if the showrunners don’t try to make Tyrion into an adorably drunk well-intentioned but simply outmanned genius (instead of the refuse pile he mostly is YEAH I SAID IT YOUR FAVES ARE PROBLEMATIC) I am sold.  Missandei’s look of disgust when Tyrion sends in prostitutes for the Good Masters = HERE FOR IT.

King’s Landing

I am…bored.  Is that bad?  I mean yes, Margaery looks better in prison than I do when I go to work, and I can appreciate that she’s been giving lessons to Cersei in how to smile at a man in a way that conveys “I know the hour and manner of your death” but uggghhh even Olenna is boring me.  Margaery and Loras was a wrenching moment but I am LindsayLohanElizabethTaylor.gif boooooored.  If you have thoughts I’d love to hear them but uuugghhh bored.

Iron Islands

EXCITE. I AM EXCITE.  They did a good job introducing Euron and yes I know Theon’s not there but the scene with Yara and ahhhhHHHHH THIS COULD BE GREAT.  She’s SO ANGRY AT HIM but she’s mostly angry at the world and her life and that her men died and at Theon but also at Ramsay and uuuggghhh the way she delivered the line about getting a piece of Theon delivered to them was SO GOOD.  Just this side of blaming him for his own torture because she is so done with the bullshit and she’s sad and angry and ahhhh.  Then he says he’ll support her and AHHHH.  HBO I’ma need you to not fuck this up *ahemit’stheSeastoneChaircanyouplz* it is VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.  My insane damp slaughterpirates are weirdly vital to my happiness and just DON’T SCREW UP OKAY

Winterfell

*LOUDER AIRHORN INSTEAD OF RAMSAY SCENE WITH A CAR ALARM SIMULTANEOUSLY GOING OFF*

Tonks u deserved better

I called it when she walked in that she was going to die because these scenes are predictable and Ramsay probably called her Nymphadora at some point so obvs she wanted to kill him and bleh

BLEH, I SAY

Vaes Dothrak

I originally wrote that as Vase Dothrak

The Carnations that Mount the World

I’m sorry

OH HAI DAARIO, IT’S BEEN SOOOOO LONG SINCE WE SAW YOU I ALMOST FORGOT TO HATE YOUR STUPID GENERIC-ASS FACE.  Every time I have to watch him I feel like I’m at a zoo and I’m there to see like giraffes and gorillas and red pandas and shit and instead they found like a Stop n Shop grocery bag and gave it its own enclosure and are like “isn’t this why you came here”

It is not

Also definitely super here for one guy telling another guy that the important lady he wants is never gonna want him back but the first guy had some athletic sex with her at some undisclosed point in time lolol WHY JESUS CHRIST WHY IS THIS IN THE SHOW I AM ACTIVELY ROOTING FOR THE GREYSCALE

Why does every khal in this place constantly look like he just got caught Googling “what to do if marble stuck in nostril”

Okay, so, I will give it to Dany, that was cool.  That was an interesting comparison to S1E10 and it was filmed well and it works because no one but her could pull it off and okay I am here for it.  It was also marginally less gross-colonial-white-savior and…baby steps, y’all.  I’d also like to give a shoutout to Emilia for her language abilities.  Her Valyrian was boss, but her Dothraki sounds effortless and correct and I’m just hella impressed, guys.

 

I am not bailing yet, let’s see what happens. Season 6 we cool so far

 

 

I’m trash I’m so sorry but I will keep this up I promise okay LET’S DO THIS

Also shoutout to GRRM releasing another Arianne chapter and I really hope it was a subtle “could you stop messing up my Dorne plotline please” jab

Favorite twitter post from last week was “guy at bar: whats ur name / me: a girl has no name”

The Wall

I truly appreciate Melisandre’s excellent “holy shit it worked I MEAN OF COURSE IT WORKED” move for her magic, and thank you GoT for taking Kit Harington seriously when he said “there isn’t nearly enough male nudity on the show.”  I also truly appreciated his look of “oh my God I was dead if I had known there was gonna be a quiz after I came back I would have just stayed dead” and idk guys I just really like that he’s still full of emotions and grumpiness as ZombieSnow and tbh still would even with the knifewounds ILU BB.  This scene was really freaking good, everybody acted their butts off (heh) and I was sold.  A+ job here.

Tormund and your murder stare yesssss okay so guys have you been seeing the commercials Tormund is in for a travel service?  No one dies even a little and they’re bright and cheery and it’s throwing me off.  Also yes Dolorous Edd forever.

The execution felt…strange, to me.  I think it was the fact that there were only 4 men up there, when it’s implied that like a Caesar-level of assassins were involved, and the focusing on the hanged faces was gruesome and overlong, even for Game of Thrones.  It just, idk.  This is a terrible explanation but the scene felt lost, tone-wise.  I’m assuming that Jon pulled his *Samwise Gamgee voice* “BY RIGHTS I SHOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE” move because they’re gonna have him meet up with Sansa and oh GOD my heart and eh, we’ll see.  Not sure it’s in character for him to leave?? Idk??? WE’LL SEE GUYS, STAY TUNED

Sam and Gilly

IIIIII don’t do well with vomiting so this scene was not entirely watched BUT Sam is an absolute prince even though he clearly wanted to be like “Gilly I love you very much and I am a lucky young man but ffs COULD YOU NOT, AT THE MOMENT”

I am liking the writing they did for Gilly: she is a sweetie, but is also super odd, and her lines are perfect for that.  I’m gonna be a goshdarn mess when we see the Tarlys and oh gosh guys this could be The Most for me ILU SAM

Bran

oh God oh God oh GOD

One minor thing: Isaac you perfect little goof you grew like a thousand feet in the past few years and it’s amazingly awkward when you’re next to the Three-Eyed Raven because you’re a goddamn TREE

*script for Isaac Hempstead-Wright*: bro you gotta crouch, like, a little

ANYWAY

TOWER OF JOY

OH MY GOD

This was a really, really, really good scene.  Their casting for baby Starks has been spot-on, and this was no exception.  Arthur Dayne, also spot-on.  I definitely saw some bookreader frustration that he had two swords and where was Dawn and why did he stick a sword made from a star into the dirt and I get it, I really do, but the complaints felt kinda like bookwhining of the worst caliber.  This was an absolutely amazing scene.  You are *nervous* for Ned Stark, who obviously lives through the encounter, and Dayne has this beautiful complicated look on his face the whole time, and Bran commenting “he’s better than my father” and walking towards him and “he heard me” oh my God oh my GOD.

“What’s in the tower” aaaaaand then we leave I’M NOT OKAY.  As angry as I am at having to wait for the rest of the Tower of Joy they are doing an absolutely dynamite job on these scenes and I know it’s more fun if I hate things but I CAN’T, GUYS, THIS IS GOOD

Team Ned Stark’s Same Haircut for 20 Years

Dany

No Daario and no Jorah for two weeks straight what good have I done to deserve this

Dany lookin’ at the sky like “Drogo Ex Machina literally any damn time now would be A+”

This was one of the first times that I didn’t feel grossed out by their portrayal of the Dothraki, and as much as it is clearly garbage to condemn widows to one place after their husbands die, it felt kinda good to watch an older lady be like “yeah, you know what? I had dreams too and they didn’t work out you special snowflake” because I am secretly a bitter crone inside.  The scene felt very GRRM, if that makes sense?  Like “I don’t care if people like you or you’re the hero or even if you’re doing something good, I will and can straight-up murder you”

Did not hate it but Daario finished shooting as an extra in the Warcraft movie so he’s back next episode dammit

Meereen

Varys: “I am not a torturer…would you like to hear about how I was cut”

Everyone: “OH GOD I CONFESS I DID IT I DID IT ALL STOP TALKING PLEASE”

Varys’ scene was interesting but he is grating on me and I can’t figure out why??  I do appreciate him being like “okay since everyone else around me is incompetent lemme do this my way” but he is bug. ing. me. and I need help understanding why.

Tyrion is gonna get hit and I’m not gonna be mad about it.  He’s getting back some of his sassiness, which is always fun to watch Dinklage perform (objectively “I drink and I know things” is delightful fun), but uuughhh you privileged-ass motherfucker are you really this dumb.

Tyrion: “let’s play a drinking game where I guess stuff about your life”

Missandei: “I know more languages than you can name and the only person who has ever been good to me rode off on a dragon you asshole”

Grey Worm: “literally every memory I have up until like 4 months ago was a waking nightmare I killed a puppy with my own hands”

The look they shared of “can you believe this clown?” was absolute perfection, but I’m concerned the show didn’t do it on purpose?  The show loves Tyrion, even more than fans do, and I can’t tell if they stumbled into a really tone-aware moment of “Tyrion has lived an exceptionally charmed life compared to 99% of the world” or actually did it on purpose.

Play your drinking games, Lord of Privilege: Grey Worm has to go on patrol and still be pissed about Barristan ohwaitthat’sme

King’s Landing

Hey there Qyburn you’re looking especially kindly and creepy today

and oh hey there Kevan Lannister who is like “idek guys I’m not even supposed to be alive anymore so meeting adjourned, I guess”

and hey there Ser Robert Strong slowly swinging into rooms like “lllllllladies”

and hey there Tommen you little tiny adorable thing it’s like watching a puppy bark at a bird

and hey there High Sparrow being like “I appreciate that you’re angry but have you considered listening to my very convincing argument”

“It’s not what IIIII want, it’s what the gods want” – sureJan.gif

This plot could be much, much better if they tightened it up, and I am not hating the reactions to Ser Robert Strong, and Qyburn is interesting, and Tommen could be Doing a Thing, but it’s coming across like bad Terry Goodkind fan fiction right now and bleh.  We’ll see.

Arya

This has, in all honesty, not been a great plotline to watch, and they cut out so much interesting Cat of the Canals stuff that I’m annoyed, but goddamn Maisie is kill. ing. it.  Like I’m kind of blown away at how good a job she’s done every year and ugh, I just love her.  A Girl has a lot of feelings.  Not sure this is a sustainable plotline for the whole season, but we shall see.

All my ladies listen up

If that boy ain’t givin’ up

Drink your drink

Get back your eyes

Cuz all you gotta say, is

My name is, no

My sign is, no

My number is, no

The North

*SEVEN MINUTE LONG AIRHORN SOUND INSTEAD OF RAMSAY SCENE*

Unless this dude is getting his face chewed on by Ghost I literally do not want to see him again ever for any reason.  I’m like 95% sure they’re gonna have him murder Osha and like 60% sure he’s gonna murder Rickon and uuuuuggghhh what is the POINT. WHAT IS THE POINT.  REMEMBER SHAGGYDOG.

Tune in next week for MORE EMOTIONS