Monthly Archives

September 2017


It’s Doggo Time

September 14, 2017

Friends, just an FYI: I’m not pulling down my Paypal donate button even though my Game of Thrones reviews are done for the season.  If you have any post requests, a $15 donation will get you at least a thousand words on the topic of your choice ($25 if I need to watch or read a thing to familiarize myself), and tbh the funds will probably go towards getting Bailey a bandanna that says “Direwolf in Training.” And then another bandanna that says “The Disreputable Dog.”  And then a third bandanna saying “The Goodest Girl.” Hit me up if you got requests, I’m like the DJ of emotions and bad jokes.

And on that note


Okay she’s like, kind of a puppy: they think she’s about 9 months old, so she’s more like a teenage dog. She’s got like gangly legs and some sass and she’s wearing black eyeliner on her waterline and looking forward to getting her learner’s permit.

She is probably also part lab, part some kind of bully breed, part the All-Seeing Eye of Sauron (her eyes are intense) and part sea lion since her front paws splay out a little.  Like, when she stands, she kinda looks like she’s in ballet first position.  She has v v shiny fur and it is soft and she is soft and she is perfect and my HEART. MY. HEART.


  • Frozen peanut butter in a Kong
    • Subset of other things she likes: the Kong; peanut butter; when the freezer opens
  • Wrecking the plushy her extended family got her in like ten minutes
    • My brother- and sister-in-law brought over a hedgehog like their two dogs like and she tore open the seam and some stuffing in like ten minutes
      • RIP Hedgey
  • Her crate
    • She came to us crate-trained and she does really well in it, actually
    • Cave-puppyyyyyy
  • Eating
    • This doggo eats like a champion
      • I am not necessarily used to this, because I grew up with a GSD who was a pretty picky eater, but Bailey is like “yo is that kibble? LEMME AT IT”
  • Snoring a little while she sleeps
  • Eating bugs
    • Crawly or swoopy, she will attempt to chomp you and probably will succeed
      • Last night she got three bugs, one jumpy, two crawly
  • Flopping off the couch halfway to go chase the ball she dropped while leaving her little spindly legs still on the couch because whatever
  • Saying hi
    • Saying hi again
      • Once more yes hi do you have food do you have a toy are you new hi hi hi hi pet me hi yes HI
      • This goes for humans and other doggos
      • She’s just Bailey: the Friendly Ghost
  • Ice cubes
    • Chomp chomp
      • The first one I gave her, she didn’t understand that it would be cold, and she tried to pounce on it to make the cold go away (kind of like that dog video where the dog haaaates the lime and tries to pounce away the citrus)
      • She now loves them, we just have to make sure she doesn’t leave ice chips everywhere, because those turn into tiny puddles, and holy God is it unpleasant to step into a tiny cold water puddle in dress socks


  • Ignoring garbage on the ground
    • Bailey I appreciate your dedication to Dunkin’ Donuts but please kindly remove your nose from that gross iced coffee cup on the ground oh GOD, NO, DON’T CHEW IT
  • Skateboarding
    • To Bailey, skateboarding is, in fact, a crime
      • Apparently people should not be allowed to go that fast, it is Unnatural and must be Stared At
        • This poor kid was just tryna do some kickflips or whatever and she was looking at him like he was
  • Leaves that move when they’re touched
    • She darted away like a terrified little minnow on Sunday because she touched like, a frond on a plant and it sprang back and she was like NYOOOMNOPE
  • Going potty when it is raining
    • Fair enough, puppo, fair enough: this is not an ideal system
      • She’ll look up at you like Puss in Boots from Shrek 2 and for a second you’re like “oh no, you poor baby, maybe we’ll just bring you into the human bathroom” and then you’re like “how is that a workable solution” and then you nudge her gently into the downpour and she hangs her head and pees
  • Getting into the car
    • She’s the chillest dog once she’s in there, but she is Not Having It when we’re like “come on, jump in, into the car”
      • She just looks at you like “you jump in if it’s so great”
        • You then have to do the thing where you pick her up and she either looks like she’s shrugging with her arms straight out in front or you scoop her into a little ball and deposit her on the seat
          • Dogs’ front legs are arms, I don’t make the rules


  • Thunderstorms
    • We’ve had thunder and she is just kinda like “something happen?? something happen.”
      • If she’s out when it is windy and there are leaves blowing tho she gon try to catch every dang leaf that has ever leafed
  • Fireworks
    • Someone set off a bunch and again, she was like “noise?? noise.” and that was it
  • Train sounds
    • We live on the same block as a set of commercial train tracks, and the conductors can sometimes be like BWWWWWAAAAAAMP at 11 PM at night and once again, pup is like “POINT at the loud sound… okay that happened”
  • Riding in the car
    • She’s totally fine
      • She’ll walk over to one open window, sniff a little, sit, walk over to the other window, sniff, sit, repeat, investigate up front by nudging your ear with her cold wet nose, and start the whole thing over again
  • The vet
    • Like, got a shot and wasn’t thrilled but was still like “eh, people are holding me, this could be worse”
      • Same for getting her nails trimmed, not her fave but not the end of the world
        • Bailey, looking at us: I don’t like this but I am still a Good Girl

Friends, she is a good pup and I love her and please hit me up if you’ve got requests and I promise to send you Bailey pics