The Men’s World Cup of Kicky Ball Round of 16: a Goober’s Guide

(This post is a happy post in a time of sadness, yes.  I have about a dozen drafts of angrysad, but I wanted to put up at least something that isn’t awful? Rage against the dying of the light? Anyway.)

AWWWW YEAH, SOCCER.  OR FOOTBALL. OR KICKY BALL.  I’m sticking with kicky ball.  It’s like “shooty hoops” but my friend Steve came up with it and I’m so pleased.  But, anyway, would you like to watch some soccer?  Would you like to be a citizen of the world? Would you like to wake up at 7 AM on weekends?  COME JOIN ME.

This is a great time to jump in – no games today, and the knockout round starts tomorrow!

I’m obviously a bit late for this post, so forgive me for writing this now, but boyyyyy howdy do I love me some World Cup soccer.  So if you have nothing personally invested in the winner but like to watch people with incredible thighs run around and hit things with their heads, here is your introduction.  I am not fact-checking. Deal with it.  (okay I am but most of this is my feelings so FACT CHECK YOUR FACE)

We started out with 32 teams divided into 8 groups of 4, and the top two from each of those groups (stay with me) moves on to the round of 16, which is now.  Therefore, if you want to tune in, now is a good time!  Every game is a knockout game, and NO TIES ARE ALLOWED.  THEY PLAY TO THE DEATH AND/OR THE BEST OF 5 PENALTY KICKS, UNLESS THEY BOTH MAKE THE SAME NUMBER, AND THEN IT’S A LITTLE MORE COMPLICA- you know what? They play to the death.  That’s it.  Till they’re deadsies.  That’s the rule.

LET’S DIVE IN

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