Hey friends, you may or may not have noticed something new here: there is, in fact, a PayPal donation button somewhere over here, I hope –>
You are under no obligation to donate to read this blog, and I’ma keep writing anyway, but if you’re looking for a place to throw your money sometimes, I will catch the heck out of those bills
ANYWAY
Below: alternative answers to this ridiculous interview question
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: in a mirror
Interviewer: …
Me: get it, like, I’ll be looking at a mirror in five years, and I’ll see myself
Interviewer: get out of my office
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: to be honest? just a huge bed, ma’am
Me: lots of pillows
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: dogs
Interviewer: I’m sorry, you see yourself… “dogs”?
Me: dogs
Interviewer: like you see yourself *with* dogs, or you want to *be* a dog?
Me: D D D O G G G S S S
Interviewer: did you just say “capital D, space, capital D, space-”
Me: WOOF WOOF, HOMIE
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: doing a mediocre version of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” at karaoke on a weeknight and just making everyone uncomfortable
Interviewer:
Me: oh you meant professionally, huh
Me: same answer
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: yo how messed up is it that Grace Park and Daniel Dae Kim had to leave Hawaii Five-O because the show wouldn’t up their pay
Interviewer: yo it is SO messed up
Me: right?
Interviewer: you’re hired
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: it depends, what Olympics events are still accessible to someone of my age and limited athletic ability
Interviewer: um
Me: like can I be a bobsledder or is that no good
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: finally being confident enough to attempt the second verse of the Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” in public
Interviewer: it’ll take that long?
Me: it’s taken me 15 years to get as far as I’ve gotten, Craig, so yes, and frankly I don’t appreciate the judgmental tone
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: still working through my emotions after having watched Jason Momoa play Aquaman
Interviewer: we are so not ready for Aquamoa
Me: WE ARE SO NOT READY
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: washing off a face mask that I applied in October 2018
Interviewer:
Me: they work better the longer they’re on your face
Interviewer: are… are you wearing one right now
Me: yeah April 2015 isn’t ready yet
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: still waiting for the Winds of Winter
Interviewer: NIIIICE SICK BURN
*we high five and sob*
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: on the Wikipedia page of some horrible thing
Interviewer: how do you know that you’ll-
Me: my guy, it happens so often that I’m willing to bet it’ll be true in five years too
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: paying my student loans
Interviewer:
Me: you asked, bud, and I will sing “Bills, Bills, Bills” if you want
Interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years
Me: watching the crew from The Fast and the Furious drive a spaceship through the sun
Interviewer:
Me: a girl can dream, okay
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