Awwww yeahhhhh got to do this race again this year and it was fun as heck. For those of you not In Tune with the Philly Happenings (aka me any time before like, 2011), the Broad Street Run is a 10-miler run through Philadelphia on, you guessed it, Broad Street. You run south on this street for 10 miles. It is very difficult to get lost, so I appreciate that mightily. It is also a net downhill race, with maybe 3 very slight inclines, so it is bae.
I ran this race last year as well, but it unfortunately rained literally the whole time, and I was soaked and cold by the end. However, it was still super fun, and shout out to Bryan for putting me up last year and waiting actual decades for me to finish and also hooking me up with what is possibly the best thing I’ve ever eaten, a caramel budino from Barbuzzo. He texted me that he hoped I PR’ed both on time and number of dogs pet and that is one of the nicest things anyone has said to me ever.
This year, my wonderful in-laws put me up, and Andrew drove me there and back. The “back” was particularly crucial, as I was The Sorest. Like, earned-a-new-step-badge-on-my-Fitbit sore. Anyway friends and (new!) family are great, and there’s been plenty of races like this where I would have been in much rougher shape without help, and just *heart eyes for dayz*
Anyway, here is Broad Street By the Miles
- Mile …0? Negative 1? Idk, before we started
- So I made pancakes the day before for me and Andrew, and I made more than I could eat (a difficult feat) so I brought three of them with me, plain, to the start line, and ate them out of my little plastic baggie. And you know what? 10/10 would do again yes good. My tummy is usually the thing that gives up first on long runs (tummy first, then legs, then lungs) and I didn’t start feeling even a little gross until like mile 8 so this worked v well
- Also I saw a couple other runners looking at me
- I know u jelly of my pancakes
- I know it jealousy and not “that girl is eating unadorned pancakes out of a plastic baggie”
- I know dis
- I know it jealousy and not “that girl is eating unadorned pancakes out of a plastic baggie”
- I know u jelly of my pancakes
- Also I saw a couple other runners looking at me
- The longest time I spent before the race in one spot was waiting for the bathroom, which is obvs pre-race CRUCIAL but also strugs because the lines were really long and I was in front of two boys who were Not Having It and it was still kinda chilly and just, meh. AND THEN
- OH GOODNESS
- I was maybe 4 people from the front, and this woman cut the line. Just dove right into a Port-a-Potty and didn’t say “it’s an emergency” or ask or ANYTHING and I legit thought there was gonna be a murder. Like, this was Red-Wedding-level breakdown of the social contract, and there were people yelling “WAIT YOUR TURN” and “SHAKE THE THING” and this one woman took a picture of the line jumper’s bib number when she came out and posted it to like Instagram or something with #rude #broadstreet #pitchforks #walderfrey I’M KIDDING oramI
- No but she really did post the pic to some form of social media, this girl did not come to play
- I was maybe 4 people from the front, and this woman cut the line. Just dove right into a Port-a-Potty and didn’t say “it’s an emergency” or ask or ANYTHING and I legit thought there was gonna be a murder. Like, this was Red-Wedding-level breakdown of the social contract, and there were people yelling “WAIT YOUR TURN” and “SHAKE THE THING” and this one woman took a picture of the line jumper’s bib number when she came out and posted it to like Instagram or something with #rude #broadstreet #pitchforks #walderfrey I’M KIDDING oramI
- OH GOODNESS
- So I made pancakes the day before for me and Andrew, and I made more than I could eat (a difficult feat) so I brought three of them with me, plain, to the start line, and ate them out of my little plastic baggie. And you know what? 10/10 would do again yes good. My tummy is usually the thing that gives up first on long runs (tummy first, then legs, then lungs) and I didn’t start feeling even a little gross until like mile 8 so this worked v well
- Mile Actually 0
- We, of course, got to listen to “Gonna Fly Now” (still pumped) and there was a banner hanging over the start line, which a lot of people jumped up to touch, but I have like, no ups and it would be a very Me thing to do to try to jump up and tap it only to trip over my own life and fall and twist my ankle 6 inches into the race
- So I Opted Out, and then the best thing happened
- THE BEST THING, GUYS
- So I Opted Out, and then the best thing happened
- I am jogging along, getting passed by everyone, y’know, how it do, and I start hearing laughter behind me, and not like, just one person chuckling, like, the whole race was laughing
- I then hear a “swish-swish-swish” sound and a guy in one of those T. rex suits runs by, head bobbing, with a race bib on and the little arms going, and I LOST IT
- I am v v basic but oh my word do I love those stupid T. rex videos so this was like the funniest thing that could have ever happened to me
- Shoutout to Scuzzo for describing the sound as ‘the tell-tale swish of a T. rex’ and if you need me I’ll be on the side of the road laughing
- He was really quite fast and I lost track of him after the first mile but BUDDY YOU ARE MY HERO
- I then hear a “swish-swish-swish” sound and a guy in one of those T. rex suits runs by, head bobbing, with a race bib on and the little arms going, and I LOST IT
- We, of course, got to listen to “Gonna Fly Now” (still pumped) and there was a banner hanging over the start line, which a lot of people jumped up to touch, but I have like, no ups and it would be a very Me thing to do to try to jump up and tap it only to trip over my own life and fall and twist my ankle 6 inches into the race
- Mile 3.5-ish, Mile 5-ish, Mile 7-ish
- Dogs
- These are the spots where dogs happened
- DOGS
- These are the spots where dogs happened
- I met Callie and Macey and Tenner and pet them and Macey’s owner gave me a granola bar and when I walked up to Tenner he put his super fluffy head directly between my knees for pets and his owner yelled “CUDDLE BREAK”
- IT WAS AMAZING
- DOGS ARE AMAZING
- JUST
- DOGS
- JUST
- DOGS ARE AMAZING
- IT WAS AMAZING
- Dogs
- Mile 4
- This would be where one of the musical acts was a screaming heavy metal outfit and I was just v confused
- To be fair, I felt pretty good around mile 4 (this is the first time even in my life that I have run a longer-ish race and not blown up because I went out too fast for me and then had nothing) but this was still strange to the max
- Like, a half mile later, we had a rock band with a lady in a sundress singing “Sweet Caroline”
- Just because I feel more Rammstein than Neil Diamond 4 miles into a run does not mean I need Rammstein
- This was not as bad as the acoustic guitar dude at my half marathon strumming out some Dashboard Confessional but it was still a bit of a weird endorphin twist
- Just kinda wanted to run over and be like “don’t be angry bud there’s dogs and a T. rex somewhere up ahead”
- This was not as bad as the acoustic guitar dude at my half marathon strumming out some Dashboard Confessional but it was still a bit of a weird endorphin twist
- Just because I feel more Rammstein than Neil Diamond 4 miles into a run does not mean I need Rammstein
- DU HAST idek
- This would be where one of the musical acts was a screaming heavy metal outfit and I was just v confused
- Mile 8
- Some dude standing on the median started yelling “it’s a slight downhill, you should be jogging at this point”
- If you remember, Dear Reader, mile 8 is when my stomach was definitely like “uhhhh actually don’t?” and I was certainly tired and while I was walking briskly and drinking some water I was not up for jogging or being told what to do by some guy
- “You should be jogging at this point”
- YEAH SURE, COACH, I’ll GET RIGHT ON IT
- CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, SHUT UP
- Like for serious I love 99% of the spectators at any given race but what on earth makes you think it’s a good call to yell at exhausted runners doing their best
- CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, SHUT UP
- YEAH SURE, COACH, I’ll GET RIGHT ON IT
- “You should be jogging at this point”
- This just slightly edged out “you’re almost there!” yelled by someone when you are 12% done with the race
- *Westley voice* we are men of action, lies do not become us
- If you remember, Dear Reader, mile 8 is when my stomach was definitely like “uhhhh actually don’t?” and I was certainly tired and while I was walking briskly and drinking some water I was not up for jogging or being told what to do by some guy
- Some dude standing on the median started yelling “it’s a slight downhill, you should be jogging at this point”
- Mile 9
- And then I went and broke my “don’t tell people how to run their race”
- But oof this one made my heart hurt
- This one girl, and I swear this was at mile like, 9.2, already taken off her bib because she was saying she couldn’t make it
- Me and two other girls talked her into finishing
- Now normally I would not do this, like if you were limping at mile 5 saying “I’m hurt, and I’m done” I would not fight you, but she just said she was really tired and didn’t think she could finish
- All three of us were like GURL NO
- CAN YOU WALK FOR 15 MINUTES? BECAUSE THEN MEDAL
- I’m still conflicted because I don’t wanna push anyone to do something they feel like they really can’t finish but aw bb you have been moving forward for 2+ hours and if you do a little more you get a medal and pretzels and cheering
- All three of us were like GURL NO
- Now normally I would not do this, like if you were limping at mile 5 saying “I’m hurt, and I’m done” I would not fight you, but she just said she was really tired and didn’t think she could finish
- But oof this one made my heart hurt
- And then I went and broke my “don’t tell people how to run their race”
- Mile 9.8
- The race ends at the Navy Yard
- There are ships at the Navy Yard
- I was BLOWN AWAY by this fact
- There are ships at the Navy Yard
- I think that last year because I kept my head down in the rain and was p uncomfortable I didn’t notice the ships (seriously all the pictures from the race make me look like an extra in the Two Towers who is about to get Uruk-hai’d)
- THERE ARE SHIPS
- THEY ARE BIG
- MUCH SHIP, VERY WATER
- THEY ARE BIG
- THERE ARE SHIPS
- The race ends at the Navy Yard
- Mile 10.05
- MEDAL
- I do these races for the medal, let’s be real
- And it’s really sweet when family is like “DID YOU WIN? YOU GOT A MEDAL!!!” and I’m like “yeah I won at not dying”
- I do these races for the medal, let’s be real
- MEDAL
- Mile oh God who knows
- So you can chill and wait for buses and stuff, but I was all “nah I can totes walk to the subway” which I could and then I was all “sweet I get to sit down” and then BOY HOWDY trying to get up was uh, not easy.
- I then walked outside to go catch a trolley back to my in-laws, and I’m walking in front of a hotel, and another Men Say Things to Me happens
- He yells out “congrats!” and I say “thank you!” and then he says “can I have it?” and points to his own chest where the medal would be
- What I said: “haha, no, I worked too hard for this!”
- What I meant: fuck you, a little, buddy?
- Like, he’s joking, but it’s not funny, and why on Earth would I give you my finisher’s medal, and I’m tired and not able to move quickly, so I am nervous that you’re going to do something to me and I can’t run away, and I’m worried that *you* know that I’m tired and can’t run away, and just, GAH
- Don’t say things! To women! On the street!
- Like, he’s joking, but it’s not funny, and why on Earth would I give you my finisher’s medal, and I’m tired and not able to move quickly, so I am nervous that you’re going to do something to me and I can’t run away, and I’m worried that *you* know that I’m tired and can’t run away, and just, GAH
- He yells out “congrats!” and I say “thank you!” and then he says “can I have it?” and points to his own chest where the medal would be
- I then walked outside to go catch a trolley back to my in-laws, and I’m walking in front of a hotel, and another Men Say Things to Me happens
- So you can chill and wait for buses and stuff, but I was all “nah I can totes walk to the subway” which I could and then I was all “sweet I get to sit down” and then BOY HOWDY trying to get up was uh, not easy.
- Mile in the car on the way home
- I ate all my pretzels
- I didn’t eat the Nutrigrain bar they put in our bag – a guy on the subway asked for food and I had a lot of food but idk if he’d want like, the banana or orange that were just chilling in my race bag? So I gave him the bar, because that was one of the actually wrapped things so he wouldn’t be grossed out by my just handing him fruit
- If I messed this up and y’all know what I could have done better or differently please lemme know
- I didn’t eat the Nutrigrain bar they put in our bag – a guy on the subway asked for food and I had a lot of food but idk if he’d want like, the banana or orange that were just chilling in my race bag? So I gave him the bar, because that was one of the actually wrapped things so he wouldn’t be grossed out by my just handing him fruit
- I drank like actual gallons of water wowowowww
- I made Andrew fetch me things because I am a princess
- I wore the shirt around the house once I got home, and then on a walk on Tuesday, because if no one knows you did the race like did you even run, bro?
- I ate all my pretzels
ANYWAY this race was a blasty-blast 10/10 would run again if I make it through the lottery GONNA FLY NOW
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