I watch plenty of other terrible television

Game of Thrones burrrrrrnnnnn ooooooh

Okay, that’s actually abundantly false.  Both for the reason that I don’t watch all that much TV so I can never understand any of the references people make, and also because it’s not all bad.  Like, I’m in season 6 of The Good Wife.  I watched Band of Brothers and Mr. Robot.  And Making a Murderer.  I’m hip, I’m with it.  Television is a quality medium that is telling real stories oh my God is Say Yes to the Dress on

No, but seriously, I’ve actually gotten pretty into a few other shows over the past few years, and if you wanna chat about terrible TV with me, here they are!

Banshee

Oh my goodness, was this show absurd.  This was a Cinemax one (so yes, nudity abounds because what else are you gonna do, Cinemax?) that lasted for 4 seasons and was campy, gory, ridiculousness.  Premise: dude has just gotten out of prison and he was in there for 15 years for robbery because he and his girlfriend, both master thieves, tried to rip off their crime boss.  He got caught on purpose, she went free, he’s gonna go find her.  She’s got a new name, kids, etc etc in the most boring-ass town in Pennsylvania, and he’s like BUT I LOVE YOU and she’s like “boy, bye.”  Conveniently, there’s a new sheriff in town (no really) but no one knows what he looks like and he gets dead in front of our dude so dude is like “I’m the sheriff now” and we go from there.

There’s Ukranian mob bosses, a Korean drag queen computer hacker, a local American-Indian-run casino, a police force of 4 people, neo-Nazis, Frankie Faison, oh God I sound like Stefon.  This club has everything.  It also has the weirdest and coolest crime lord ever in Kai Proctor, who is a former Amish who now does every bad thing you can imagine and then some ugh he’s so gross and great.

The show is hella more diverse than Game of Thrones, although it did a crappy thing and gave nearly every Native part to a non-Native actor.  It is also so much sex.  So much.  For no reason.  No plot happens.  We legit skipped every single one of the sex scenes and missed nothing.  Fight the Skinemax power.  Anyway, show is absolutely bonkers and absurd and I kinda loved it for the trashiness that it is.  Please do not get distracted by the main character’s habit of licking his lower lip all the time bwahahaha enjoy, suckerssss

Teen Wolf

You know what?  Meet me outside, I’ll bring it.  This is a genuinely great show, not even in the above “it’s campy goodness” NO, I STAND BY THIS. SHOW IS GOOD. It is creepy as heck and everyone, including the parents, is way too attractive for their own good but it is just quality television.  Also one of the werewolf dudes is now Superman on “Supergirl” and I’m kinda banking on him turning into Superwolf at some point.

Guys, seriously.  *teen girl voice* you guysssss it’s so gooooood.  Seriously just watch this show and get creeped out and enjoy all the perfect rays of sunshine that are the characters and wonder why if everyone keeps like, dying at prom, why don’t people move out of this 10,000-person town

also the soundtrack is killer JUST WATCH IT

A Collection of Those USA Shows That No One Watches

Remember how in Aziz Ansari’s standup from a couple years back when he talks about seeing ads for Burn Notice and he’s like “who the hell watches Burn Notice

I DID, OKAY? AND IT WAS MAGICAL.  MAH-JIH-KAL.  LOVED EVERY SECOND.

Spy gets burned (which means “dropped by the organization he’s spying for” look the show even made me cooler), gets dumped in Miami, gets up to hijinks trying to earn money and figure out who burned him and even more stuff.  Michael spends the show mostly hanging with his ex-girlfriend Fiona who is 1. a former IRA spy and weapons expert 2. roughly 6 ounces soaking wet and 3. the greatest thing in the world; Bruce Campbell being Bruce Campbell; and his mom, Madeline, who is a standard older lady in Miami and is my queen.  There’s more characters as the show goes on but this is the core, and they are fabulous.

Michael really loves yogurt.  They give him a hard time all the time for living in Miami for years and not learning Spanish.  Sharon Gless, who plays Madeline, got an Emmy nomination.  At one point, Bruce Campbell’s character, who is running a stakeout, swings open the back doors to a van and announces, “we’ve got firearms and snacks.”  Watch this show, it’s a flippin’ delight.

Second in the lineup was Covert Affairs. Not quite as good as Burn Notice and definitely formulaic, but clever as heck and once again much more diverse.  The main character is a CIA agent played by Piper Perabo and the rest of the show is like Coyote Ugly just kidding OR AM I.  No, she’s great, the rest of the cast (including Peter Gallagher and his eyebrows) are great, and while I again would have liked to see an actually blind actor playing the part, her best friend is blind, and they do such a great job with it being important but not the most important thing about him and just, thumbs-up.  These shows are good, guys.  There’s diversity and excitement and so little “bazinga!” like just watch them or you could watch 2 Broke Girls I mean, the choice is yours

last but not least

Hawaii 5-0

Fight me.  I’m serious.  Hawaii 5-0 is amazing and this is a hill I will die on.  The show is exciting as heck and does a very good job of pulling together long plot arcs and the crime of the week (reminiscent, no joke, of The Good Wife) and knows when to wrap up stuff we’re almost bored with and keep stuff we’re enjoying.  The two main characters have some of the greatest banter you will ever see in a buddy cop comedy and at no point does it get into a “no-homo” territory – like, the two of them accidentally go to a marriage therapy retreat (it was supposed to be about managing work relationships) and there are zero gay jokes.  None.  They just sass each other.

Additionally, while the two main characters are white (and I’m not downplaying that, it’s kind of unfortunate despite how good they are), the rest of the team reflects Hawaii’s racial makeup, and the bit players do as well.  They film there, and they don’t shy away from the very real issues it faces, like the homeless population.

Lastly, Daniel Dae Kim is in this show, and they put him in henleys a lot, and just

guys, he was making a T.rex pancake for his niece a couple episodes ago and I’m NOT OKAY

watch this show

watch all the shows

come join me in my trashpile