Alternative responses to “is counsel here”

Judge: is counsel here

Me: I mean, kinda… tbh Your Honor I’m pretty tired


Judge: is counsel here

Me: I am where Vanished objects go

Judge: …

Me: into nonbeing, which is to say, everywhere


Judge: is counsel here

Me: Your Honor, I WANNA KNOW WHAT LAW IIIIIIS

Judge: Counsel-

Me: I WANT YOU TO SHOW MEEEEE


Judge: is counsel here

Me: who’s Count Cell, he sounds mysterious

Judge: …

Me: Is there a Countess Cell

Judge: COUNSEL


Judge: is counsel here

Me: *is a block away getting a soft pretzel*


Judge: is counsel he-

Me: HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OOOOOWN


Judge: is counsel here

Me:

Judge: Excuse me, is counsel here

Me: apologies, Your Honor, I was daydreaming about Daniel Dae Kim

Opposing counsel: same, tbh

Clerk: same tbh

Stenographer: same tbh

Judge: okay yeah now same tbh


Judge: is counsel here

Me: so have you ever considered having a court dog; like, you know, a dog that just hangs out in the courtroom all the time

Judge: counsel

Me: you could call him Gavel

Judge: counsel

Me: or Judge Woofington

Judge: COUNSEL

Me: okay no that’s fair I could see how that would cause confusion you don’t want two judges in one courtroom

Judge: okay I’m holding you in literally all of the contempt


Judge: is counsel here

Me: I’m making an appearance but I haven’t entered my appearance, ya feel?

Judge:

Me: opposing party don’t start till I walk in, ya feel?

Judge:

Me: I’m filling in for the other attorney he’s in court a county over I’m not entered on this case

Judge: I hate you, I hate you *so* much


Judge: is counsel here

Me: were there any psychiatrists in Panem

Judge:

Me: like even after the revolution did they start training people because I feel like Peeta really could have benefited from several years of therapy


Judge: is counsel here

Me: yo so I’ve been rewatching some Game of Thrones and can I just get your opinion on trial by combat? Like are there any circumstances under which it actually might be kinda cool

Judge:

Me: it’s cool, I know you have to uphold the rule of law and stuff I promise I won’t tell anyone


Judge: is counsel here

Me: *double-fisting Costco churros* yeah, w’sup


Judge: is counsel here

Me: goddamn do I still hate TV Daario

Judge: OMG SAME


Judge: is counsel here

Me: is everyone going to go see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them even if it sucks?

Judge:

Me: yes.  the answer there is obviously yes


Judge: is counsel here

Me: should I still say yes even if I really don’t wanna be

Judge: yes

Me: okay then yes


Judge: is counsel here

Me: can I live, or


Judge: is counsel here

Me: *bursts into tears*