Universal Studios by the numbers

  • Engagements: 1
  • Directions you can ride the Hogwarts Express: 2
    • From Hogsmeade/Hogwarts to “London”
    • From “London” to Hogwarts/Hogsmeade
  • Directions I can describe the Hogwarts Express ride because we got engaged on the way from Hogsmeade to “London”: 1
    • Seriously guys I think someone rode a broom or something but I got nothin’ else
  • Things I did not consider about getting engaged at a theme park: 1 but it’s big
    • “Oh look pretty ring yay…wait we’re going on a rollercoaster, shoot what if I lose it WHAT DO I DO okay calm down it’ll be fine”
      • Spoiler alert it was fine
  • Degrees Fahrenheit: ALL OF THEM
    • oh my GOODNESS it was 95 with humidity and I was sweating at 6 AM seriously how do people live in Florida I do not understand it
    • Plus Hogsmeade has snow on top of the buildings so that’s a nice little extra “lol FUUU”
    • Plus sunscreen is vital but it keeps you from sweating to your Fullest Potential so that was tough
    • You just kinda have to embrace the heat but dang, y’all, SO WARM
  • Frozen butterbeers consumed: 1 per day for 3 days
  • Trips around the lazy river loop at our hotel: ~15
    • Times Andrew dragged me under the waterfall: 1
    • Amount I screamed: A lot
  • Longest time waiting in line: One hour forty-five minutes
    • Amount of time people waited for “Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts” on opening day according to the dude in one of the shops: 8 and a half hours
    • Not paying a hundred dollars a person to skip lines: priceless
      • Okay not priceless but it felt like we *~*beat the system*~* or something
  • Average age of the people in my group at Ollivanders for the wand-choosing skit: 7
    • Don’t judge me
  • Harry Potter swag purchased: 3
    • Mug
    • Ornament
    • Wand, ash, interactive, but I swear I didn’t walk around the park with it and try the spells that you can do with it
      • It was a close call though let’s be real
  • Number of characters who are like TOTALLY dead in the series but are on the rides: a lot?
    • Like I guess whatever no sadness at Harry Potter World but Moody’s dead, yo, not waving to you on the platform of the train? oh well
  • Creepiness of Knockturn Alley: 100%
    • This was pretty great guys, for real
    • That hand thing from the second movie is there and it is TERRIFYING
  • Frequency the dragon on top of Gringotts breathes fire: about every ten minutes
    • Amount the dragon is amazing: ALL OF IT FOREVER the dragon looks SO GOOD
  • How close I got to buying a battery-powered Monster Book of Monsters: real close
  • Serious summary: it was lovely to do the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, especially to both parks, and our hotel let us in an hour early because it was on the property so we rushed to HP and did the rides and despite the crowds it was just excellent
  • “Despicable Me” swag purchased between the two of us: 3
    • Mugs: 2
    • Shirt with giant minion eye on it for Andrew: 1
  • Number of minion quotes we said on the trip: legit like 25 per day
    • Amount we love the minions: like clearly wayyyyy too much because they’re for kids, and stuff? Whatever
  • Times “Theme from Jurassic Park” sung: at least 30
  • High score Andrew got at the bowling alley at our hotel: 189
    • My boy’s wicked good at bowling
  • Pina coladas tried for the first time: 1
    • Guys holy crap these things are delicious where have I been
  • Naps taken: 1 per day
  • Friends made in line: 4
    • Harry Potter people are super cute, everyone
    • Like both were a mom and her daughter but oh my gosh soooo cute
  • British people at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter: thousands
    • Percentage of British people I assumed were just like, in character, or something?: 100%
      • No really guys I didn’t get that actually English/Scottish/Welsh/Irish people came to the park I thought they were all just being fun
  • Creepiness of the music in the Dr. Seuss section: 95%
  • Amount Andrew really didn’t like the giant spiders on one of the Harry Potter rides: a lot
    • Amount I did not know Andrew does not like spiders: a lot
    • Dismay Andrew expressed when I mentioned potentially re-riding: a lot
  • Times Andrew picked up a Dobby figurine in the hotel’s store and put it right next to my face so when I turned around it was like DOBBYYYY:1
    • Small heart attacks had: 1
    • Huge jerk I am apparently going to marry: 1
    • Tears shed in movie 7 with “Dobby is happy to be with friends”: a billion
    • Despite previous bullet point, amount I underestimated the creepiness of a Dobby figurine: 97%
  • Rollercoasters ridden: 3
    • Rollercoasters ridden in the front row: 2
    • Rollercoasters not ridden in the front row but letting you play ZZ Top while you ride it if you want: 1
  • Percent surprised I was at the proposal: 5-10%
    • We planned out most of this stuff (I’m not a big fan of surprises!) but I didn’t know at what exact point during the vacation it was going to happen
  • Percent we’re both really happy: like about a billion
  • Percent effort I’ma need from you all to keep me from taking a picture with the ring and the wand I got because that’s just a really really REALLY terrible idea: 110%

Aight I’m done being sappy, and the first of a series of romantic comedy reviews will go up very soon (I’m starting with “27 Dresses” so GET READY).  You guys have all been super lovely and I love you all more than Hagrid loves animals that can kill you.