Did this one a few years back, but of course, they still exist, and they are sillier than ever. Also, friendly reminder to my fellow white people: don’t dress up as a person of color this Halloween or ever. No geishas, no Gandhis, no blackface. Got it? Sweet. Moving on.
Here’s the first one: “sexy Katniss.”
Seriously not even all that offensive, but what’s with the pose? “Oh, I always pose seductively when trying to kill other teenagers and carry medicine to cure blood poisoning.” Fun fact SHE’S 16. Also note the flip flops. Very Katniss.
Next, we have “sexy Mario,” which the company names “Heroic Maria.”
Go home, Spirit Halloween, you’re drunk.
Complete with mustache necklace and guarantee that only the shittiest of pick-up lines with be thrown at you all night.
Oh, look, Sexy Avatar! Neytiri, or whatever, those blue people.
“Oh, what are you supposed to be?”
“Culturally insignificant as of at least 2 years ago. How about you?”
Now, we’ve got a few that are basically like “sexually immature characters? What? Big words hurt no unnerstan give us moniez cuz be sexxi”
That, ladies and gents, is a sexy Care Bear. I can’t.
Next, sexy Jessie from Toy Story, who originally did not wear a skirt.
Excuse me while I paraphrase Woody, but “SHE. IS. A. TOY.” In a trilogy of movies made for CHILDREN. LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOONE
Here’s “Sassy” (no, really, that’s what they called it) Pink Ranger.
I don’t remember the Pink Ranger looking like a disco ball and the cover of Fifty Shades Darker had a baby.
Sexy lawn gnome. No, that’s cool and relevant and totally hot, keep it up.
And I’m just gonna leave this one here, mostly because I can’t stop laughing. (It’s sexy Darth Vader.)
I’d like to round up the last of the sexy Halloween costumes with the ones that make me think “what on Earth happened in the marketing meeting where costumes got picked?”
Here we have “Sexy A Clockwork Orange.”
No, I’m sure this was on Kubrick’s drawing board for the film. A+, keep it up, droog.
And for your nightmare-having pleasure, “Sexy Silence of the Lambs.”
That’s supposed to be a straight-jacket-esque dress. I am all kinds of offended and disgusted.
Have you seen worse? Any self-made ones? Please share! Happy Halloweeeeeeeen